


Midsummer

by veryfangurl



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Adult Draco Malfoy, Adult Harry Potter, Adulthood, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bars and Pubs, Breaking Up & Making Up, Cigarettes, Conversations, Depression, Drarry, Dreams, Fear, Feels, Growing Apart, Guess who is who, Happy Ending, Internalized Homophobia, Life Partners, Love, Love Confessions, Love Magic, M/M, Magic Ritual, Memories, Midsummer, One Shot, References to Depression, Rings, Rituals, Sad, Sad with a Happy Ending, Sappy, Smoking, Talking, True Love, a little cheesy, breaking up, fear of being gay, fear of being together, magic rings, midsummer magic, or did they made up?, or is it happy ending?, quarrel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:13:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25245952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/veryfangurl/pseuds/veryfangurl
Summary: It was a beautiful day. The light breeze smelled like fresh, summer fruits. A bird was singing somewhere in the distance. The sun was high in the sky, no clouds to be seen. A young man was lying on the grass, breathing deeply, with hands spread above his head. The sunlight was warm on his skin. A small beetle was roaming absently on his arm, but he didn’t feel it. He was almost asleep, feeling calm and safe.It was the happiest day of his life.Read the author's note or tags for TW's
Relationships: Draco Malfoy & Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Comments: 3
Kudos: 33





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you Purebl00dprincess for being the most wonderful beta I could ever dream of!  
> [Purebl00dprincess ao3](https://archiveofourown.org/users/purebl00dprincess)  
> [Purebl00dprincess Tumblr](https://thatpurebloodprincess.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Thank you MahJeevas for pushing me in write direction!  
> [MahJeevas ao3](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MahJeevas/pseuds/MahJeevas)
> 
> [MahJeevas Tumblr](http://mahjeevas-thehufflepuff.tumblr.com)
> 
> Find me on Tumblr and let me know what you think!  
> [My Tumblr](https://veryfangurl.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Situation in the world is really bad right now, that is why I want to use this space to ask you to consider donation to charity or organisation of your choice (if you can of course, if you can't don't worry!). If you don't know where you can donate, please feel free to check any of the websites below:
> 
> [List of Bail Funds for Protestors across the USA and BLM movements in USA](https://bailfunds.github.io/)
> 
> [Donate for Yemen](https://www.unicef.org.uk/donate/yemen-crisis/)
> 
> [Trevor Project](https://www.thetrevorproject.org/)
> 
> [Trans-fuzja - an organisation in my country (Poland) that help trans people](http://transfuzja.org/pl/artykuly/przekaz_darowizne.htm)
> 
> [Another one from Poland, KPH Campain Against Homophoby, they help LGBT+ people in Poland](https://kph.org.pl/wspieraj/)
> 
> Thank you for your support!
> 
> TW
> 
> Depression  
> Fear  
> Angst  
> Smoking Cigarettes  
> Internalized homophobia  
> Swearing

1.

_It was a beautiful day. The light breeze smelled like fresh, summer fruits. A bird was singing somewhere in the distance. The sun was high in the sky, no clouds to be seen. A young man was lying on the grass, breathing deeply, with hands spread above his head. The sunlight was warm on his skin. A small beetle was roaming absently on his arm, but he didn’t feel it. He was almost asleep, feeling calm and safe._

_It was the happiest day of his life._

_He felt someone lie down beside him, so he opened his eyes slightly and turned his head._

_“Hello.” He said with a raspy voice, a big smile spreading on his face._

_“Hello.” Breathed a soft voice. “Why are you smiling?” The newcomer brushed his hands over the other man’s hair lightly._

_“Because I’m here with you.” He moved his hand to touch his companion’s face, sunlight reflecting off a gold ring on his finger. The other person grinned._

_“You are so cheesy sometimes…”_

_“It’s your bad influence, I can’t help it.”_

_The man laughed beside him and moved closer to him._

_“Kiss me.”_

_“So needy…” He murmured, but kissed him fervently, tangling his finger in the other man’s hair._

Then he woke up. The realization of his surroundings hit him harshly. The feeling of emptiness pierced his body, a heavy lump stuck in his throat. 

It was just a dream. A memory… He raised his hand to his eyes. The ring was there, as always. Bright, yellow gold was well visible even in dim light. It seemed to be pulsing lightly, probably because of the magic within it. He let his hand fall on the sheets. He didn’t know if the sight of the ring was consoling or depressing for him, but he never stopped wearing it. He couldn’t. As long as it’s colour was still gold there was a hope in his mind. His best friend thought he should let it go. That he should start to live his life already and to stop living in this suspension, between the life he used to have and the life he could have, if he just moved on. But she didn’t get it… She didn’t know about the rings… About the meaning they held for him and for his… For the love of his life.

They were the enchanted pieces of jewellery that they made, when they were younger and more… reckless. The ancient magic was powerful, but not complicated. They were so in love, they wanted to give themselves to each other somehow, and this idea seemed excellent at the time. 

They had performed the ritual when they were both 21, on the day of the summer solstice, just like it should have been done, according to the description they found in the ancient book. Love magic is supposed to be the strongest on this day, that was what the old volume had said. They had agreed the golden rings would be the best for it. Something you could always have with you. Something meaningful and beautiful, but not very conspicuous at the same time.

They had stood naked together, in the light of the moon in the warm, summer night, feeling a little shy and goofy, but serious at the same time. They had been sure of their intentions, when they said the incantation, putting the rings on each other’s fingers.

He remembered well, what his lover said to him that day. He remembered the promises they had made to each other, along with the rings. 

That is why he couldn’t just let go. Not when he knew that the man still loves him. That he kept his promise. That they both did.

The ring was gold, even ten years after his lover had left him. He thought it would change its colour to black after their fight, that the promise had been broken. He was expecting it. But it never happened.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, eyes wide open. 

It was time to start a day, go to work, like a normal, well-functioning adult. 

And to pretend. That it was just another happy day in his life.

2.

He couldn’t focus on his job today. He was messing up everything he touched. He spilled the bottle of ink with his elbow, destroying the papers he needed to go through. Fortunately, he had made copies earlier.

“What is it with you today? It’s not like you to be so clumsy.” Said his boss, a small old man with a big, bushy beard. 

“I’m sorry… Bad day…” He sounded tired. He vanished the papers. “I need a break.” He went out of the office he was working in, and took the package of cigarettes from his pocket. He lit one and inhaled deeply. It was a bad habit, he knew it. He had started before the war and couldn’t stop. 

_“I hate it when you smoke.” The man sounded disgusted. “You smell bad. And it’s unhealthy.”_

_“I know… I try to quit, really, it’s just not that easy…” He was annoyed._

_“It can’t be that hard. Just stop doing it.”_

_“I. Try. Stop pressuring me. You’ve never been addicted to anything, so you don’t get it. It’s not that simple to just stop.” They were almost yelling at this point. They already knew what the other side will say. They had this conversation at least a thousands of times._

_“You’re always telling me that you’re trying, but I’ve never seen you without a cigarette for at least one day. All of our clothes stink, because of you.”_

_“Then don’t put your clothes with mine.”_

_“We only have one wardrobe.”_

_“Then we’ll buy another one.”_

_“It would be cheaper to just stop smoking, don’t you think?”_

_“It’s not like we’re poor, or something.”_

_“We won’t buy another wardrobe!”_

_“Then stop complaining!”_

_“I won’t stop complaining, when my boyfriend is slowly killing himself!”_

_He snorted. He didn’t have an answer to this statement. He was defeated, he was from the beginning. But he knew he wouldn’t stop smoking. Not now, at least._

_The other man was fuming._

_“Sometimes I don’t know why…”_

_“Why what?” He asked, more calmly now. The pair of eyes just looked at him sadly._

_“Never mind…”_

_He watched the other man going away, as he took another nicotinic inhale._

The cigarette wasn’t as good as always. Or maybe it never tasted good? He felt a little spin of the head, when the nausea hit him slightly. Everytime it happened he promised himself that it was the last cigarette. This time, he intended to keep this promise.

3.

“You seem so absent today, are you alright?” Asked his friend, when he didn’t hear her question for the third time. He drank another sip of his whisky, before he answered. 

“Yeah, just tired.” The bar they were in was smoky, dark and crowded. The loud conversations around them sounded like a buzz in his ears. 

“Is it today?”

“What?” He knew what she meant, but he was hoping she would drop the topic. 

“You know what… Your anniversary… “ The woman sounded genuinely worried. 

“I don’t know.” He lied, not meeting her eyes. “Is it?”

“Honey…” She started, but he interrupted her.

“Just stop it, okay? I’ve had a bad day, don’t need to make it even worse.” He didn’t mean to sound so angry. They fell silent after that. He looked towards the bar. The young barman was pouring someone a drink. He looked just like…. He shook himself.

Their eyes met for a second.

He turned his head quickly, agitated, and felt an unpleasant sting in his guts.

“Excuse me.” He said and stood up, heading toward the loo. 

He leaned against the sink, and took a deep breath.

The door behind him opened and the barman he saw earlier stepped in. They looked at each other. He felt his heart beating faster than ever. The man closed the door and moved closer to him, with a question in his eyes. He felt conflicted, but nodded slowly.

Slim hands started to unbutton his trousers quickly. When he felt the light touch on his groin, a quiet, broken moan escaped his mouth. It didn’t feel right.

“Stop…” He whispered. The man didn’t hear him. “I said stop!” He moved away slightly, pushing the man. “I’m sorry… I changed my mind. Sorry…” He felt his eyes begin to sting. The barman looked at him, still visibly heated, but with a shadow of fear in his eyes.

“Did I do something wrong?”

“No, it’s not about you… It’s just…” He didn’t know what to say. “Something else.” His voice was so quiet, it was almost inaudible. He buried his face in his hands.

“Oh. You should have said that you’re married.” The other man sounded a little resentful.

He forgot that his ring looked like a wedding band. He suddenly felt like laughing.

“I’m not.” The sad smile showed up on his face. He zipped up his fly. “But I wish I was.” He left the loo. 

He sat in his seat, and raised his glass to drink the rest of the alcohol. His friend looked at him suspiciously. 

“What took you so long?” She asked. “Are you that mad at me? Or did you change your mind, and start smoking again?”

He rolled his eyes.

“I’m not mad at you. And I didn’t start to smoke again.”

“Good. You’re doing great, don’t give up.”

He smiled lightly at her scowled expression. 

“I’m not.”

She smiled back after a while.

_“Why did you tell her about us?!”_

_“She’s my best friend! Besides I’m sick of hiding, we’ve been together for 3 years now, I just can’t keep it a secret anymore!”_

_“It was not your decision to make.”_

_“Yeah? Because everything we do have to be decided by you?”_

_“I never said that.”_

_“But you meant that.”_

_“You know I didn’t.”_

_“I don’t know anything anymore! Everything I do offends you. Everytime I make any decision without you, you’re angry!”_

_“It’s only about the things that affect us both! I wasn’t ready for her to know about us.”_

_“You’re not ready for anyone to know. Did you tell your friends, like you promised?”_

_The other man’s silence was his answer. He snorted incredulously. “Are you that ashamed of us? Of me?”_

_“I’m not.”_

_“Then why? Why after all this time we are still hiding? We live in the same house. We don’t invite anyone because you’re afraid they’ll find out. We don’t go anywhere together, because you’re too afraid….”_

_“Stop it.” A harsh voice interrupted him. He looked at the other man, and was surprised to see him crying._

_“Why…” He started, but his boyfriend just turned around and left the room. “Why can’t we talk normally?” He whispered to himself._

“Let’s call it a night?” He asked, breaking out from his thoughts. 

4.

He opened the door to the house. Their house. They chose it together, years ago. Now he was here alone. With the ghosts of happy and sad memories, mixing together. Every room, every piece of furniture, the colour of the walls… Everything had a story behind it. 

It was late, but he didn’t go to sleep yet. At each summer solstice over the last decade he was waiting. He knew he was being naive. Hope often blinks at a fool.

He prepared himself a cup of strong, black tea, sat in the window, and looked at the streetlights.

_“How do I look?” He asked, adjusting the tie on his neck._

_“You always look good. But you can look even better…”_

_He snorted._

_“I have a feeling that it’s your dirty mind talking now.”_

_The other man grinned at him._

_“I can’t help it. Every time I look at you I have the image of you at your-” He kissed him, before he finished the sentence._

_“Shut up, love, we’re not alone, or did you forget?” He mocked him with a warm voice._

_“I thought you didn’t mind other people knowing about us.”_

_“I don’t. But I think it’s not a good way to find it out, hearing about our sex life….”_

_His boyfriend just rolled his eyes._

He smiled lightly, sipping his tea. They didn’t end up telling anyone about their relationship that day. But he didn’t mind. Not anymore. It still was the happiest day of his life. Everything on that day had been perfect. After the break up, he ended up telling some of his closest friends about their relationship, without details. Only one person knew it all, besides his ex-boyfriend. People were surprised, some even shocked, but they lost their interest after some time, since they weren’t together anymore. But they looked at him sometimes, like they wanted to say “I told you so. I knew it wouldn’t last.”. He didn’t care. He had proof of their mistake. All of the years they spent together. And the ring.

Even with all the bad moments they shared, he didn’t regret anything. If he had a time turner, if he could live all of it once again, without changing anything, he would do it, without hesitation. He would gladly re-live every one of their quarrels, every sleepless night, every kiss…

It was the best thing that ever happened to him. _He_ was the best person that could have happened to him. He loved him so much it was almost painful.

_They were lying together, tangled in their big bed, white, wrinkled sheets covering their naked bodies._

_“You’ve never said it.” He said to his companion, trying to not sound disappointed._

_“I’ve never said what?” Asked the voice lazily._

_“That you love me.”_

_The other man looked at him surprised._

_“Well… You’ve never said it either. But I do. I love you. I thought you knew it.”_

_“I knew… I just wanted to hear it. And I love you too.”_

_Their lips were brushed lightly when they spoke. He tried to move even closer to his partner._

_“You know…” He began to talk, but stopped, changing his mind suddenly._

_“What? Tell me.”_

_“It doesn’t matter.”_

_“It does. Tell me. Please.”_

_“I just… I never thought… I’m just happy, you know? With you. I’m happy with you.”_

_The man smiled sheepishly at him._

_“I’m happy with you too.”_

Thirty minutes after midnight, he decided to go to sleep. He was disappointed, even though he knew, he shouldn’t expect anything. He looked at his ring as a habit. The gold glow seemed to be even brighter than usual, probably because of the solstice. He covered himself tightly with the bedsheets, and fell asleep. He didn’t have any dreams that night.

5.

He woke up early. He didn’t have to work today, so he decided to visit Diagon Alley, to do some shopping after breakfast. He stretched and went to the kitchen in his pajamas.

_“Wake up, love.” Someone whispered to his ear. “Hey, wake up. I made you breakfast.”_

_“Hmmmppff…” He didn’t want to wake up just yet, but the delicious smell of the coffee was tempting. “What time is it?” He asked in a sleepy voice._

_“It’s 11am.”_

_“What?!?!” He jumped out of the bed. “Why didn’t you wake me up earlier? I’m late for work!”_

_His boyfriend started to laugh hysterically._

_“Relax, it’s 7am.”_

_He looked at him, deflated._

_“I hope you made pancakes, otherwise I won’t forgive you this.”_

His tea became cold, but he finished it either way. He took a shower and dressed up. He felt really heavy today. Like he had something enormous sitting on his arms and back. He really didn’t want to leave the house. But he knew he had to. He couldn’t let himself to stay and mope. He knew it wouldn't end well and he didn’t want to worry his best friend again. She could tell that he’s depressed. That he needs therapy. He knew, she was right. All of his life traumas had been haunting him even years before, but he had been dealing with it well back then. Breaking up was the last straw before he snapped. He should probably do something about it.

He sighed, and put on his shoes. _I’ll find a mind healer_ , he promised himself. 

He was about to use the floo, when he heard a knock at the door. Surprised, he went down to check who it was. 

_“Why can’t we just live openly with each other?” He asked for the hundredth time. “Why are you so fucking afraid?”_

_“Why won’t you leave it? We’re happy like this, why do you want to spoil it?”_

_“I don’t want to spoil it, I just want to live a normal life, for fucks sake!”_

_“It won’t be a normal life! Two guys don’t normally live together!”_

_“Fuck. We’ve been living together for 5 years now, and you’re telling me it’s not normal?! You thinking this way is not normal!”_

_“I don’t want people to laugh at us, is it that hard to understand?”_

_He snorted._

_“Who cares about other people? Who cares what they do? It’s us that matters here, and I can’t live like this!”_

_“So it’s not enough for you?”_

_“It’s not. I want to be able to go out with you, for a proper date. I want us to meet our families. I want to spend holidays together. We’ve never spent a Christmas together before! We only meet together publicly for MInistry’s events! And we fucking live together!”_

_“So it’s not enough for you.” Said the other man again, his voice sounding strange “You’re not happy like this.”_

_“I…” He hesitated. “I just don’t want to hide anymore.” He said in almost a whisper, with a broken voice._

_“I… We should… Fuck… I think this is the end.”_

_“W-what?” He heard ringing in his ears. “What do you mean?”_

_“You know what I mean. We want different things. I can’t give you what you want. It’s not fair to you. You should have it. Maybe someone will give it to you. But it’s not me. I’m not ready for this.”_

_“Fuck you!” He cried out, hot tears started streaming down his cheeks. “I don’t want it from someone else. I… Fuck you, how could you say it? You don’t mean it, you’re just being cruel now.”_

_The other man was crying now too._

_“I do mean it. I’m sorry, but I do mean it….I’m sorry. I hope you’ll forgive me one day.”_

_“Fuck you…” He choked out, hiding his face in his hands. He felt a light touch on his arm. “Don’t touch me!” He screamed and moved away. “Just leave. If you want it so badly. Just go.”_

_“I…”_

_“I’m letting you go, don’t make it harder than it is!” He said. “And… If you ever change your mind…. I’ll be here. When you’re ready.”_

_“Draco… “_

_“Just leave me alone now, Harry.” Hearing his name like that, and speaking Harry’s name like that was painful for him. They looked at each other for the last time._

_“Goodbye, then.”_

_“Goodbye, Harry.”_

He opened the door.

“Hello, Draco.” 

He smiled. 

“I was just thinking about you.”

Fin


	2. Chapter 2

Ao3 doesn't see my fic as completed if I don't have second chapter, so SORRY about this. This chapter is meaningless.  
Thank you for reading!


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